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Posts Tagged ‘men’

The man has been out of the country for a few days and with probably a month in front of me of being “alone” I have realized the obvious: it’s not that bad. Yes, I would rather not be 8 time zones away, but with that much space comes vast personal freedom.

In honor of this freedom I have compiled a top 10 list of the best things about not having a man around.

10. I can lay on the comfy part of the couch without feeling like I have to share it. Sprawl out, cuddle up and don’t move all evening, it’s all mine.

9. I can watch The Real Housewives, Bachelorette and Big Brother without smart ass comments interrupting every perfect moment.

8. I get to use as much or as little of the blankets I want.

7. There isn’t a trail of clothes to pick up. The trail actually makes me laugh but a little break from constantly tidying is always nice.

6. I get to drive a big diesel SUV, listen to satellite radio and pretend I am the Queen of the road. Along with this, I don’t have to worry about circling 11th Ave 5 times looking for a parking spot every night only to discover I have to parallel with a line up of cars behind me.

5. I can go to the gym and sweat and not worry about showering. If I choose to sit in my filth until the next morning, that’s my choice.

4. Less toilet paper is used. Honestly, I don’t understand how it disappears so quickly when a man is around. I appreciate the attempt at doing a thorough job but do you really need to use a roll a day?

3. I get to change into sweats the second I get home. I do this regardless, but at least when I am alone I don’t have to think about how I should still be “trying to impress”.

2.  I can eat onion dip and it’s okay that it seeps from my pores for 3 days. I try to stay away from it because it literally does seep from my pores but travel time is the best time for me to indulge.

1. The toilet seat is always down. You will never hear me complain about it being up as I think it’s just one of those things women should relax about, but it’s quite nice not having to be fearful of falling in when you go pee in the dark.

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Living the Big Life

Again I don’t like my topic for today, “Perfect Wedding” so instead I am going to talk about why I like BIG things.

What big things do I like you ask? Well there are 3 things in my life that are always, ALWAYS big. They are my main accessories: earrings, purses and men. Now don’t go getting offended, let’s be real here, where I stand in my life currently (I’m not saying forever), men are an accessory. But even when that changes and men become more than an accessory (more like a pair of shoes or a sweater, a staple if you will) they will still be big, so they stay on the list!

Lets start with earrings. I never used to wear earrings. I think I took up the habit about 3 years ago and I can never go back! I probably have about 100 pairs all on display in my bedroom, and maybe about 5 of them are small. So it all started one day at Wal-mart. I was randomly drawn to the jewellery section and started browsing. I can still remember the pair that caught my eye, they had a big silver circle and then all around the circle were little teal circles made out of some sort of shell. I put them up to my face and it was like an epiphany! My face was instantly skinnier! Now I know this sounds strange but I truly believed and still do that when I have big earrings on I drop at least 10 pounds. Maybe I am crazy or maybe there is some sort of optical illusion that happens but when I am not wearing earrings now I feel very uncomfortable and kind of like a drug addict who hasn’t gotten a hit recently and I NEED my earrings. So needless to say the addiction to earrings has also cause another minor issue, I have earrings everywhere. I just checked my purse, there are 2 pairs in there, my desk at work has 5 pairs right now, my car has one pair. I have them everywhere just in case I leave my house without them on, I can’t go a whole day without my BIG earrings! Dan used to really hate it when he would find them in the most random places so I guess I am going to have to work on that before I get in another relationship….maybe.  

In regards to purses, I would just like to make it clear that I do not believe my purses are BIG, in fact I could go much bigger with most of them, but based on the fact I don’t have a single purse that s technical size is allowed as a carry on onto an airplane most would say they are larger than average. My purse problem has always been an issue which to me, really makes no sense. I carry absolutely nothing of importance in my purse except for my wallet (which is quite big itself and is probably the size of the average ladies purse), but literally there is nothing else in there I couldn’t live a day without, except the earrings obviously. So why do I carry a big purse? Well same damn reason as the earings, big purse equals skinnier me. Now this I really don’t think I am crazy on. Reason I don’t think I’m crazy is because I actually tried buying a smaller purse at Christmas 2 years ago. It was a very nice purse, good name brand, little pockets, great color, spent too much money on it, got it home and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself to just keep using it, I think it lasted about a week and a half. Every time I saw a reflection of me and the miniscule purse (it’s about 1 ft x 1ft) I thought who is that fat girl with the small purse. Now my mom is going to want to comment “Oh Laura you are perfect, don’t put yourself down” but this is NOT a self-esteem issue. When I have a big, giant, beautiful purse I feel great so I think whatever works, don’t knock it till you try it people!

Moving on to my last accessory, men! I’m not going to explain this or put a rationale behind it because I don’t think I need one. Everyone has a type and I have one too. I may only be 5’2 but if you think I may be attracted to you, you better be at minimum 6 ft tall (preferably 6’1 or 6’2). If you think you can get away with 5’10 or 5’11, you are wrong! I have a very skewed height perception and if you are under 6ft tall I truly believe we are the same height, and that when I am looking you in the eyes , our eyes are on the same level, there is no tricking this girl!

So that’s that! I like BIG things. You want to give me a present, the bigger the better please.

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